(Alexander Pope)
What I have learnt forgiveness to mean for me.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting, it is not about condoning what has happened and it is not necessarily reconciling with the person who has hurt you. Reconciliation is always a choice. Your choice.
Forgiveness is letting go of the need to hang onto anger, resentment and hatred and the need to make the other person change or apologize. Forgiveness is what you do for yourself.
It is letting go of the need to retaliate and hurt them back.
It is letting go of the need to justify why you shouldn't have to forgive them.
It is just letting go.
However, forgiveness does not mean that you have to be a doormat for anyone and sometimes you need to set boundaries to protect yourself from any further hurt.
Carrying resentments is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die!. When I read this saying I realised that it was time to let go. Who wants to keep on taking poison for the rest of their life. When you can actually send them blessings then you know you have forgiven them. This step is very hard and may take a long time. It definitely is a process but in the end you need to let it go because all this toxic energy can affect your health. Hanging on to resentments can also make us bitter and not much fun to be with.
Steps for letting go:
- Acknowledge that you need to forgive
- Be willing to forgive
- Say a positive affirmation - I release the past and forgive everyone. I go free to be loving, harmonious and happy.
- Ask for Divine Help - Call on the Angels (Archangel Michael to help cut cords to negative relationships)
- Practise meditation to release negative feelings
- Journal thoughts and feelings
- Participate in a 'Burning Bowl Ceremony' which is where you write down your feelings or write a letter to the person and then burn it.
- Have a reiki or hands on healing session
- Take Bach Flower Remedies
- Set boundaries - Take your power back and don't allow others to control you. Sometimes our own lack of self worth allows others to take our power. Sometimes we are people pleasers and find it hard to say no. We would rather do what others think we should do rather than hear their disapproval.
- Stop talking about it to everyone you meet, although it is good to talk it over with a trusted friend to help you understand and clarify your feelings.
- Then quit talking about it and rehashing time and time again.
- Send them blessings or say a prayer for their well being. This usually does not happen immediately. Only after grasping the concept of forgiveness and then working through the different stages do we come to this final step. It also depends on the length of time the hurt went on and depends on the degree of hurt.
- Then set yourself free to be loving, harmonious and happy.
- Let it go for your own sake. You deserve it. Do it for your own self worth.
- If all else fails seek the help of a professional counselor although I did this myself it was not until I fully understood what forgiveness means that I felt I had the power to actually forgive. My counselor told me that "Forgiving is not forgetting, it is remembering and letting it go." But she didn't really tell me how to do it. Hence all the research I have been doing.
Challenging people and situations are sent to you as your most important teachers. Without them your soul would not grow. And that is exactly what these challenges are, I believe, lessons for our soul. Learning how to forgive is one huge lesson to learn.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one getting burned. - Buddha
Father, forgive them: for they know not what they do. - Jesus
Shanti (Wishing you Peace)
